Ahhhh. Sweet summertime. The dog days of summer slowly creeping up on us. The rays of the sun shining down and bodies glistening with sweat while playing in the summer sun and cool waters. Time to shed the winter clothes and bring out the shorts and sandals. This is my favorite time of year.
It’s also my least favorite in a small aspect. All of the body shaming doubles. As a person who has eating disorders, boy what a battle summer is. Society already dictates what’s in and cool and the exact size every woman should be. I don’t need to be my own worst enemy but I am. I have learned that being a healthy weight is a good thing. I look younger and feel better but don’t think for a second when things feel out of control that I wouldn’t give it all up to be a size 1 again. I would. Just like my battle with alcohol, the girl in the mirror sees herself in a whole different light and fights every day to not give in.
I swore when I was younger that I wouldn’t be like all of the other women I knew. Unfortunately, I lied. I have become a vain pre 50’s woman. That big 50 is coming quickly and the pressure I feel is unreal. Currently, I don’t look my age but I know that one day soon I am going to wake up asking myself who the hell is in my mirror?! For those of you who may think eating disorders are for the younger generation, you are wrong. At 48, I find myself in the same thinking error as I was in my 20’s. For some of us, regression in our inner spirit affects us in ways most people don’t think about. Sad but utterly true.
So, I am going back to the basics with myself. When I look at other women, I see the beautiful amazing creatures they are, size means nothing. I’m trying to see myself in that same light. Ultimately my goal for this summer is to stop critizing myself. I’m always preaching to other people, it’s about damn time I listen to myself.
Please join me. Who gives a damn what society says. Look in the mirror and see that beautiful amazing woman you are! Love yourself enough to walk with your head held high and a smile on your face no matter your size. Your inner beauty is what makes you shine. You are an incredible piece of art and there is no other like you. It’s about damn time that as women we build each other up and quit complying with the rules of society. Love each other as sisters. Encourage and support and inspire each other. Quit letting others dictate what’s acceptable. No more worrying about what we aren’t. Focus on everything we are.
I’m going to put on those damn shorts tomorrow. I’m going to wear my best smile and hold my head high. I’m not a size 1. I’m going to learn to be good with that. I’m beautiful on the inside…. I have to let that out so I can shine and my damn size is not going to dictate the beautiful me hiding inside any more. I encourage each of you to do the same. We are worth it!
More love. Less hate. H