After sharing my state of mind the other morning, I was quite surprised with how totally raw, open and brutally honest I am. I am not ashamed of who I am and in fact, I share my dark, ugly moments in the hope that someone else will see it and realize they are not alone. You truly are never alone. There’s always someone who can relate. Who’s been there. Done that. Doing it. Never be ashamed to reach out. Please speak up. Being vulnerable, raw and brutally honest outwardly is sometimes the best therapy for oneself. It is for me anyway.
Today, the day has been somewhat better. I’m still not ready to say it’s a beautiful day to be alive but it’s better than yesterday. At least for a half of a minute I saw a little light. Tomorrow will be even better. I am counting on it. I have to keep the hope alive no matter how ugly I feel inside.
We really are blessed to live in such a beautiful world. I know that. I know that there are many great people, alot of beautiful places and things. Even when I am in my darkest hours I see these things the inner part of me longs to be part of it and wants to feel happiness and joy….. I try and wake up to each new day and start again. I’m a work in progress and eventually I will find that place that allows me to let go of all that binds me. Until that that day, I will do the best I can with what I have inside.
For those of you who can relate, we get it all too well…life doesn’t have to be like this but unfortunately it’s how we are made. Chemical reaction. Biology. Circumstance. Trauma. No matter what category you fit into, not one bit of it is by choice. I would not wish my issues on any other living being. The truth of the matter is I, like so many others would love to be “normal” but it’s not our reality, choice and most certainly not an option until we learn what is holding us down and how to work through things in a way that helps us individually. We can relate but our battles are each unique none exactly the same.
The thing that I find myself working on the most is recognizing my own self worth and finding peace inside of my mind. I’m learning balance and surviving on hope. Whatever it is holding you back try not to lose hope. With each rising sun we get another day that casts glimmers of hope, an opportunity to move forward just a few steps more than the day before. On the good days savor every moment, lock those precious moments in your mind and tuck them away in your heart. On the bad days these are the little things that are part of my saving grace. They help keep me grounded.
There’s no shame in asking for help. The longer we behave like it is, the longer we allow the stigma to live. Reach out you don’t have to do this alone. Look to a brighter tomorrow. Don’t stop looking for your place that holds the keys to your chains. You are important. You are loved. Every life matters and every one lost is one too many.