This next series of blog posts are very private and personal. They are very real. They are me. The real me to the core. I always keep things real but this is as real as it gets. I have to do this for myself….
I was born in 1969 to parents who gave me the name Tisha Marie. I certainly came into this world struggling. I was under 5 pounds and was so jaundice, I either looked like a pumpkin or you could see through the thin layer of skin clear to the tiny bones beneath. I fought for 4 weeks to stay on this Earth.
When I finally got to go home, I could lay in the palms of my father’s hands. I was a tiny baby girl. My parents always told me I was born very premie. Later in my life, I was told that my parents, who were LDS, hid that they were going to have me so they could be sealed in the temple. I have been told that my mother was actually about 3 months along when they married. I was in fact a full term baby just small and sick. I was small enough at 3 months that I still looked newborn. It worked out perfect. Ahhh….so, technically my fucked up life began before I was even born. That makes you feel special. Can’t be human and let anyone know it right? Gotta look good for the neighbors.
My father was in the army. My mother was an amazing pianist, singer and dancer. She had her own dance studio at 16. She taught and danced until a couple of days before I was born. It’s my understanding you couldn’t even tell she was pregnant until the last 3 or 4 weeks before I was born.
My parents came from Opposite sides of the tracks. My father’s father, didn’t think my mother was good enough for their upper class status. That remained obvious until the last few years of grandfathers life. However, there I was, so they HAD to get married. After I was born, my mother gave up her whole life to follow my father around the world. I’ve wondered many times in my life if she ever regretted that. She never spoke about it out loud but given her life later, I am sure that she must have kicked herself in the ass many times in her life.
I don’t have many photos of her, but this was the beauty my father married. In my older years, I started to look more and more like her. Until then, I didn’t really look like any of my family. I finally began looking like I belonged to my mother after I was in my 30’s.
Sherrie Lyn VanDerMeyden. 18
Tisha Marie Hailee Smith. 48
More love. Less hate. H