I try to be a lover of life and people. I keep telling myself that the good outweigh the evil in this journey we travel. There are things that I don’t understand and probably never will however, I continue to keep searching for all of the questions unanswered.
I believe in a higher power. God. I think that we are arrogant to believe we ( the humans) are the only race that lives. There must be others. In all of this, I also believe that our higher power knows what we need to grow and I appreciate that but I don’t understand the heartbreak and pain that we must endure. What’s the point in that part of that therory ? I have suffered so much loss in my life. What haven’t I got yet ?! What more could there possibly be?
I have watched people suffer through painful, life ending disease. I have witnessed people live in disease ridden bodies for years. Every day, is a blessing, yet painful reminder of the challenges they personally face….Why would such a loving caring higher power do this to us?
Why do some of us live in such hell on Earth? I have been pushed to every limit and I still get back up. I have had another try to take my very life who also took my child’s life. I have been beaten to the point I had to be identified. I’ve lived a life that is full of hate, torture, resentment, abuse. I still stand back up. I start again. I’ve lost everything I have worked for. I spend alot of time serving others. When I really needed someone to save me. I’ve saved others so many times at so many different levels. I fought wars that weren’t mine. I have been tested beyond what most can’t even imagine. Yet, I’ve worn a smile on my face when I couldn’t stand the thought. I’ve lived when I truly wanted to die. What things couldn’t I have learned?!
Are you hearing me? My higher power. Do you hear me?! What more can I do to prove myself worthy to live a peaceful, happy life?
I will continue to see the good. The hope. The love. I serve others no questions asked because I know what it’s like to be in their shoes. I do so willingly because I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have someone by my side during my trials.
During my life I have been made to feel like I am not worth the space I take up just by existing. When will I be worthy of being a person that someone will love and support me just the way I am? When do I get be the one that is all another sees and loves unconditionally? When?!
There is only one entity that can answer these questions. Are you listening? Are you there?