There are such a variety of things that make us who we are in this life. Personality,looks, emotions,history, circumstance, attitude and relationships all rolled up into one body. Naturally, some of our traits are genetic but the rest we naturally build along life’s journey.
In my own personal life, I am an intelligent, opinionated, spunky, full of life little fireball. I am sarcastic, funny, badass, empathetic, soft hearted and damaged. I have not ever walked the easy path. I have fought battles that most would never believe. The type you only see in the movies or that happen to someone else, yet I would never change a thing because this is my story. I am who I have become because of all the things I have gone through.
Last night, a friend of mine pointed out that as a musical artist, it’s others stories that give him inspiration and success. How often do you perceive yourself like that? If you are like me, the answer would be almost never. In fact, truer words were never spoken.
We are drawn to things we relate to. Movies, music and people. What happens though when our story throws us a curve ball from hell and we find ourselves in a whole different story than we were planning? Ultimately, the storyline comes to light at some point good, bad or ugly.
Some people get lucky enough to miss the ugly side of life however, I know that even where the grass is greener things aren’t always what they appear to be. So many of us live lives others would never expect. Society dictates what life should be like. Reality is far from the above.
Some of us have become damaged in ways that permanently change us, things happen that change our whole storyline. For that, we pay a price. A price that can cause great problems in every day life and in our relationships.Having PTSD I can speak of this firsthand.
I have triggers that pop up out of no where. No warning, just boom there you go. I have no control over these things. I am learning to manage them to the best of my ability but that’s all I can do. Certain sounds, movements or words can throw me right into a tailspin and it’s hard for people I care about to understand. I can be hard to love. I get that. Yet, I know I am not alone. Many others are the same. How do I try to help myself? How do I try to help those around me understand? Let me explain the best I can.
Every morning, I say ” It’s a beautiful day to be alive” regardless of how I feel. Many times I don’t believe those words but saying them out loud helps me to see things the way I should. I remind myself daily that I have something to offer this world. I can make a difference. I tell myself that I am beautiful just the way I am. My scars and battle wounds make me unique and special. I have only 1 life, so I choose to try and live it to fullest every day. Even though I do every possible positive thing I can, I still have bad hours,days sometimes a week.
Like many other people, I have people in my life that remind me of all my flaws. At times, daily for days on end. I get stuck deep in the shadows of the dark, ugly places and have to battle my way out. It never fails. At the very bottom of it all, I am reminded of why I fight. I’m reminded of all the good in this life and the beauty that surrounds us. I start to see hope and light, then I slowly climb back up to life.
For those of you reading this that are quietly saying this sounds like me, please listen to these ending words.
You may be at a point where you’ve built up that wall, the one that no one ever gets past. You can’t be hurt anymore. People just don’t understand how hard it is for you to let them in so they push you to the limit. Take a chance. Let down those walls. Let people in. Risk being just you. The original unaltered version because you are truly beautiful and amazing. You are the director of your own movie. Choose your own ending. Rewrite your manuscript to fit your own life. Not everyone elses. Live out loud and in color. Watch the sun rise and set everyday. Think over all of the good things you’ve been given in this life and be grateful. If people can’t accept you the way you are, then love yourself enough to move on. Never apologize for being you.